20 posts tagged “funny”

Alex McIlveen is a cabbie at the Glasgow airport and was there during the latest Terror attack.  Not only was he there he was up close to the terrorist that was doing the Human Torch impression, so close that he kicked the terrorist in the balls.

Alex McIlveen, 45, kicked the man, whose body was in flames, so hard that he tore a tendon in his foot.

But he said last night: "He didn't even flinch. I couldn't believe he didn't go down.

Now I do understand that this guy was on fire and so any kick to the nuts would not be his only pain, however, for anyone who has been kicked in the privates knows that the pain is right up there with being on fire or any other such pain that one could dream up.  So I think it is safe to assume that terrorists, or at least this terrorist, has no balls.  So if that is the case what was his incentive?  What would he do with his 72 virgins?

UPDATE:  Cabbie gets a new pair of shoes!

A HERO taxi driver was given a new pair of trainers yesterday to replace the ones he used to kick a terror suspect in the privates.

Alex McIlveen, 45, had to hand over his £50 Nike gutties for forensic examination.

The Glaswegian walloped the flaming man so hard he tore a tendon in his foot.

Glad to see this guy is being taken care of.  He also commented:

"It's great to get this new pair, I've gone for Lacoste instead of Nike, but I reckon they will do just as good a job if I have to deal with any more terrorists."

You can vote on whether this movie should be made or not.

Find out here.

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iran, China and North Korea .
4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but PETA activists do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
12. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
13. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, or Abraham Lincoln.
14. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
15. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
16. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
17. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

Got this in an email and thought it was funny enough to share.

What happens when you are a UT Longhorn and bet that they will beat the Texas A&M Aggies?  You lose the bet and have to pay up.  What is the wager?  Take a look.

Long Version (almost 10 minutes)

The Bet - (Long Version)

Short Version

The Bet - (Short Version)

You can use a rubberband...

Elwyn

1 comment

Sometimes I want to put someone in their place and I have trouble finding the correct words.  This guy does not have that problem...

Note to self - Make sure I know what I am saying before posting a comment on LawDog's blog (probably good advice no matter where I am posting).

Lil' Turkey

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.  The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.  Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity.
 
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot.  The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.  John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird, and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.  Then suddenly there was total quiet.  Not a peep was heard for over a minute.  Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.  I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.  As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Barack Obama publicly humiliated Nicklaus Lovelady!  This is not cool!

After you read the above article then, and only then listen to this.

Score one for Obama, that was pretty stand up of him.